HELLO FRIENDS!

I hope the holiday season brought you lots of joy. I know it was very different for most of us, but I hope the quiet calm brought you some peace.

For those of you following me on my social, you have probably seen some of my Instastories over the holidays referring to my cancer journey. Being able to hear, learn, and understanding another’s viewpoint has always been a gift to me when I have been fortunate enough to receive it. I hope I can pay that gift forward by telling my stories around my journey and answering questions you may have about my cancer experience.

One thing that I am not sure everyone understands about cancer unless you have been through it or know someone who has, is that it never really leaves you. Even if you are blessed to not have it in your body anymore, it is always riding shotgun in your thoughts. “is it coming back?” “Does that ache mean cancer?” “I don’t feel great, is it cancer?” If you are one of those people LIVING with cancer it REALLY doesn’t leave you as you are always dealing with it.

Although I had a lovely holiday my cancer made sure I didn’t forget about it.  I had my 1-year mammogram, my 3-month bloodwork/CT, AND my 1-year anniversary for my cancer reoccurrence all during the month of December. Yep, “Cancer Doesn’t Stop for Christmas!”

A lot of people with any type of ongoing illness can relate I am sure. As much as you would like to “take a break” for the holidays you can’t. Although most of the time you still enjoy your holidays; eat yummy food, experience happiness, and have fun, there are still those moments where you go “oh yeah, I have cancer” and you suck it up and do what you have to do.

Going in for the actual tests isn’t that scary for me anymore. I have had countless bloodwork, scans, and biopsies. I am pretty confident I could give myself an IV at this point! It is waiting for the results that is the hardest for me. And I mean HARD. I start to think about it the month of the tests, the day of the tests, and the week following the tests where I wait for my virtual check-in with my oncologist (more about having cancer during a Pandemic during a later post!) The wait is excruciating. I don’t sleep well. I cry randomly. I worry. I was born with a very active imagination which is a blessing most days but not during times like this.

For those going through the “anxiety of the wait”, this is what I do that helps. I repeat my mantra “All good. All clear. Healthy. Strong. Happy.” Over and over. I continue to keep busy, I work, I journal, I  workout, I go out in nature, heck I hunt for snowmen (if you follow me on social you will understand what I mean!) I do whatever I can to keep my mind occupied. Although, full transparency, I never feel 100% until I get through “the call.”

It isn’t all doom and gloom. A really cool thing also happens during this scary time. Every time I go for my 3-month CT I feel like I am surrounded by my community. A good chunk of the folks in the waiting room are also there for their cancer check-ups and we chat. About things not everyone gets. How our veins like to hide for IVs, or suggestions on what types of clothes to wear for future scans, or how no matter how many times we have got a CT or MRI, every time that dye goes through our veins, we feel like we will pee our pants!

This may sound strange but for me there is something comforting about knowing my way around the hospital, understanding the tips, and tricks of the tests and mostly meeting the people that I encounter during that time.

We are not alone. Even in these days where we feel very much isolated coming off a season where typically people can feel very much alone, it gives me great comfort to know that we are not. Your community is out there, you just have to find it.

“Cancer Doesn’t Stop for Christmas” but neither does hope and a kick-ass community who gets it. You always have to look for those silver linings, my friends.