HELLO FRIENDS!

Have you got back into the swing of things yet? Typically, the first two weeks of the year for me is like “back to school” in September. January and September always feel like a FRESH start.

This is also the time of year when people give up certain things…sugar, carbs, alcohol…diet coke! I have never been one to do resolutions like that. Maybe because I am a “lifetime” WW member. Not because I have reached my goal just because I have always been a member and probably will for the rest of my life. As a result, I am always working on my health goals, so I don’t need a New Year reset.

Yet at the end of the year, December 30^th, 2019, I actually DID give up something. Diet Coke. Saying “bye, bye!” to Diet Coke was a BIG deal for me. HUGE. But to be honest, I didn’t give up Diet Coke because of a New Year’s resolution even though it fit the right timeframe. I gave up Diet Coke because, at the time, it felt like the only thing I could do to “control” my cancer.

If you watched my Instastories on December 30, 2020, I celebrated my one-year anniversary of no Diet Coke with my followers and explained my why. (If you want to see the stories just follow me on Instagram @JAYEMBarrie and you can find them under my Cancer Journey Highlight.)

On December 30, 2019 I had my official diagnosis of my cancer return. I had known it was back I just didn’t know the level it was back. The months of November and December in 2019 were full of tests, biopsies, and conversations with my oncologist while I carried on with my life as one does. The diagnosis was rough. Definitely not one we expected. The delivery of that news was also hard. I have the utmost respect for all Drs., and I can only imagine how difficult it is delivering dark news. It wasn’t a good day for any of us, but still, there was an opportunity for how I received my news. But that is for another blog post because learning how to be your own health advocate is critical and something VERY important to learn on any health journey.

All to say when I got home from the hospital that day I was lost. I couldn’t eat, which for me isn’t normal. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I was at my lowest. So, I sat down and opened up one of my precious Diet Cokes (500 ml bottles ONLY!) and I took a drink. For the first time in my life, it didn’t taste great or soothe me like it once did. Maybe it was all the emotions I was feeling but right there and then I thought “Diet Coke, it’s over.”

This is the point of the story where anyone who knows me does an audible gasp!

Here is where I am going to have a bit of a vent around my Diet Coke addiction.

Did my Dr. tell me “you have to stop Diet Coke; it gave you cancer?” Absolutely not. Did anyone on my health care team (you need a health care TEAM on a cancer journey, more on that on another blog post!) say to me “OMG you drink Diet Coke?? STOP!!!” Nope!

I say this with love for those who may have commented on my Diet Coke obsession over the years. Please hear me when I say, Diet Coke did NOT give me cancer. I appreciate that people who commented on my Diet Coke intake did it out of worry for me but if there is a pet peeve I can share with you about living with cancer, is that being “blamed” for causing your own cancer is not helpful. I appreciate that wasn’t the intention of those who challenged me on drinking Diet Coke, but we all know that intentions don’t always match impact.

Diet Coke was my vice, simple as that. We all have them. Some of us have more than one. We know some things aren’t great for us and yet we still do them. Drinking, Smoking, Overeating…insert your vice here. If I can share with you one piece of advice unless asked or unless someone is struggling terribly with an addiction and needs help, I wouldn’t comment on another person’s vice. It can be incredibly triggering and most times, not helpful. Most of the time the information given to me around Diet Coke was not accurate.

I want to be clear I did not stop Diet Coke because my cancer came back, and I was worried that I caused it by drinking it. I stopped it because it was one tiny thing, I could control in an insurmountable disease that took away a lot of my control.

Since I had so many other things going on in my head, including preparing for chemo, which is no joke, quitting Diet Coke wasn’t that hard. I think if I had done it any other time it would have been BRUTAL. The hardest part for me was finding a replacement. I drink a lot of water in general but it doesn’t cut it. Finding something to replace that Diet Coke fix has been its own journey. No winners yet but I will keep on keeping on!

“It’s Not the Diet Coke” but I am still proud I was able to give up this particular vice for my cancer journey. It didn’t cause my cancer, but I know it is helpful I am not having it as much as I used to for many reasons (less sodium, less caffeine, etc.) Whatever your vice is, as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others with it, no judgment from me. Also, if you are ready to give it up, I want you to do know, you got this.