HELLO FRIENDS!

I thought calling this post “The Hair Issue” was appropriate since magazines, especially about hair were my OBSESSION from an early age, and still are. So, you can imagine someone obsessed with her hair having to give it all up. This is a question I get asked about a lot from my followers…here is the story of my hair!

Right after my “awkward, terrifying” confirmation of my cancer recurrence on December 30, 2019 the Dr. sent in a nurse. Thank goodness for that nurse, who was able to calm me down with her very “matter of fact” nature. One of the first things I asked her was “if I needed to get my affairs in order?” She looked straight at me and said, “Shouldn’t we all have our affairs in order?!” #Facts

As she was explaining to me the types of chemo drugs, I would be on she looked at me straight in the eyes and very firmly said, “You are going to lose your hair. All of it.”

I remember just nodding thinking “As long as I can live longer, I am okay with losing my hair.” As I reflect on this moment, it shocks me that I came to that resolution so quickly. I am not kidding when I say I was OBSESSED with my hair. I even ended up on a red carpet with Jennifer Aniston once and focused most of my pics on trying to get the dimensions of her hair colour for my hair stylist. So, I kid you not, when I say my hair was my “thing.”

Still when you are faced with your mortality, I am here to tell you, stuff like that DOESN’T MATTER. It really doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t hard.

With my cancer drugs my hair started to fall out after my first treatment. We will talk about treatments more in a later post, in a nutshell everyone’s treatment plan and reaction to it is different.

I am not sure what I found harder, having my hair fall out in HUGE clumps in the shower or anytime I ran my hand through it or the actual act of having my head shaved.

As soon as it started to come out in clumps, I decided it was time for the shave. I decided to not get to my hair stylist of over 10+ years to do it. Even though she would have done it for me in a heartbeat  I thought it might be too emotional to have someone who had become a friend do the act. Also, at that time a lot of people didn’t know my cancer was back.

So, I went to a barber my Dad had gone to while he was alive. It seemed right. Bless him he did the deed as lovingly anyone could do it. I even jammed up his razer with all my hair (even though it was falling out in clumps I still had a lot of hair!) so we even got a good chuckle during it as he said, “well THAT never happens with my regulars!”

Once it was done, I felt sad but glad I had done it. I knew it would be one less thing for me to worry about in a mount of worries. The main picture on this blog shows the first picture my Mom took of me, with my boy Chip, and my new hair. You will notice I still had a bit of hair, not a lot, he went as short as he could go, and chemo took care of the rest for me!

Some pains about being bald…

• UNEVEN: You hair come out gradually and not evenly. I will be brave and share some pics on the progression of the loss. It is the same with the growing it back, it is not even, but when you start getting hair back you just don’t care!

• LITTLE hairs suck: Those little hairs from my shaved head that gradually fell out felt like needles piercing me every time. I did the shake off in the shower in the morning and got the majority but until I was truly Clean bald, they bothered me!
• You NEED eyelashes: I don’t think I realized, until I lost my brows and eyelashes, how much you need them. The brows for more aesthetic reasons but without my lashes I had dry and itchy eyes.

Some positives about being bald…

• QUICK Showers: I love my new 5-10 minutes get up and go. Especially when your energy from chemo is zapped and taking a shower (with a PICC line – more on that for another post!) is like running a marathon.
• HATS: I was offered a prescription for a wig, and ZERO judgement on those who like wigs, but as a former theatre student I have worn a lot of wigs in my time and they just weren’t comfortable for me. But the fact you have an option for what works for you is awesome. It is not one size fits all. I personally fell in love with hats/caps. I think I have every single design of my fave one, no joke. My head was always cold, so they helped with that plus they were easy. I like easy!

• My head isn’t HUGE: My whole life I thought I had an enormous melon. Nothing ever fit my head right. I have since learned most of that was my BIG
• EMBRACING my natural: I have coloured my hair since I was 12 years, I don’t think I knew my OG Now I do and I LOVE it, so much. Natural all the way for me!
• NEW Products: I discovered cool hair products (which I will share on my Instastories later today and save in my Cancer Journey Highlight if you don’t watch today) that I never would have tried with hair.
• IT GROWS BACK: Disclaimer; it might not for everyone that is a risk BUT for the most part it comes back. Use this as an opportunity to try a new look or like me embrace your natural self.

As you can see from my list there was definitely more positives than negatives for me. I think the biggest positive: I am still here.  The reality is without the treatment I had I might not be so for that reason alone; it was worth it.

Today, January 21^st, 2021 is my one-year anniversary of having my head shaved. My hair has been growing back the last 6 months and guess what…I love it. I love it being short. I love my greys. I am NEVER going to colour it again, and I probably won’t have it too long either (maybe bob length we will see) because of the possibility of more treatments in my future (hopefully not for a long time or by some miracle forever!) but also because I love how it looks. I love that my sacrifice was worth it but also helped me to realize at the end of the day, my hair wasn’t that important. I am more than my hair. But I will forever love good ol’ hair magazine. You can take the hair OFF the girl, but you can’t take the love of hair out of the girl!