HELLO FRIENDS!

Today I am going in for my 3-month oncology check-up which entails blood work and a CT scan then an anxiety-filled week or so while I wait for the call from the oncologist to discuss my results.

This month also marks a two-year milestone for me. I ended my last chemo treatment in June 2020.

So what does that mean to me?

It means that I am living my life with cancer to the best of my ability.

I don’t think you can ask for more than that, right?

I have more good days than bad, but some days are hard. Which is life isn’t it?

I think one of my biggest struggles might surprise you.

Trying to explain what it is like living with a chronic illness to those who don’t have the experience or understanding can be difficult.

This is one of the reasons I chose to become a Life Enthusiast so I could educate by storytelling in hopes I can help others going through a similar situation.

It is tough because I don’t want to come across as a victim, be defined by my cancer or worse, place judgment on those who don’t understand my journey.

Therapy has helped me understand, that not everyone will understand and that is okay. You can only focus on what you can control right?

So for me today that is sharing some knowledge I have learned over the last couple of years in hopes that it will help with understanding:

🌸 My journey is my journey

Although we appreciate people telling us about other people’s journeys and what they went through it is important to understand, that every journey is different. Even if you have similar cancer, it is different.

It can be a source of frustration for people going through a cancer journey when the assumption is made that you know all about what they are going through and the outcome just because you have heard about the cancer journey of your friend’s second cousin.

Please know it doesn’t mean we don’t want to hear about other people’s journeys, especially positive ones. They can lift our spirits. But be mindful of what the person going through the cancer journey needs.

Suggestion: Once you ensure they are comfortable talking about it (not everyone is) then ask someone about their journey and listen. It is one of the kindest things you can do for someone.

🌸 Knowledge is power and it is a choice

Well-meaning friends and family often offer up unsolicited input on what will help with my cancer. I appreciate the thought, I truly do, but sometimes it is a lot. Especially for a people pleaser like me. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings as I know most of the time it is coming from a place of love. But a lot of the information given isn’t always current, accurate, or even very helpful.

Please know that I do my own research, and I work with a fantastic Health Care Team that I have painstakingly put together. They come from the world of science and natural as I believe in the power of both.

My best friend asked me in the beginning if she could send me articles she finds about cancer research or a cancer journey. She is someone I respect very much, and she knows me very well. She is also a respected journalist so I know the information she will pass along will be accurate and things that I will find helpful. I also know if it gets too much, I could tell her and she would understand.

Suggestion: Before passing along information regarding cancer make sure the person is willing to receive it. If they are not, respect that choice. If they are, try not to inundate them with a barrage of information. Focus on providing information that is connected to real-life research, and science and that you think will be helpful. 

🌸 Even though the treatment and/or surgery is over, doesn’t mean the cancer journey is done.

This one is a big one in my cancer community.

Personally, I feel it comes from a good place. People want to celebrate when you have been through something big. They also want it to be over for you, and for them.

The thing is, and this is something I learned the hard way my first time with cancer, once you have had cancer, it doesn’t leave. Ever. Even if it is physically gone from your body. My therapist describes it as cancer always being on your shoulder. Sometimes it is right beside you, sometimes it moves more to the back and sometimes it moves to your face.

When you have been battling something that you know can end your life, it doesn’t just go away. Especially if you have had a recurrence, which was my biggest fear until it happened. Then my fear turned to worry about dying from it.

Even if you don’t have a recurrence (and I am sending all the good vibes out there that you don’t) cancer has still changed your life. Forever.

In some cases, it is the effects of treatments. I still have neuropathy and probably always will have it in my toes. The chemo brain and fatigue are forever in my life too. My friends in my cancer community have all kinds of treatment effects that they live with every day.

We also might have scars, inside and out that impact us. I have scars and tattoos from my first journey with cancer. Scars from surgery and 5 Tattoos as my radiation markers on various parts of my body. I also have a lot of bruises since I am always getting blood or an IV it seems!

Some of us have surgery that has taken away something from us. Mastectomies. Amputations. Organ removals. There are so many things that cancer patients have to have done to save their lives but that also leave a permanent impact on their lives.

The mental health journey with cancer is massive. A lot in the community have some form of PSTD that they are working through because of their cancer journey.

There are also financial issues, relationship issues, career issues, and countless other “issues” that can pop up as you go through a cancer journey.

Then there are those of us who are given a diagnosis that moves us from cancer cure to cancer management.  This means stronger surveillance which is a blessing but can also be a lot – mentally and physically. For a lot of us, this also means we are on treatment breaks, hopefully for a long time, but we are always living with the possibility (especially around surveillance time) that we can go back into treatment at any time.

You can’t go through ALL of these things and simply be done with cancer just because your surgery is over and/or your treatment is done. It is not possible.

Suggestion: Of course celebrate the milestones, those are important to any journey. But make sure you don’t mark that as an ending.

When my Dad died I remember the minister saying, “It is so lovely you are here for the family today but don’t forget to be there for them a year from now, or years from now, that is when they will need you the most.” It was poignant and very true. The same applies here.

Check-in on people. Don’t assume they are okay. A lot of people don’t like to talk about it, I think my favourite phrase is “I’m all good!” even when I am not (but I am getting better!) But it is always nice to be checked in on.   

🌸 Don’t focus on the negative

The other day I went for my colonoscopy and I had to tell the nurse my cancer diagnosis (even though it is in my files and I had it written down on the intake form, they still do a triple check for accuracy which I appreciate.) The nurse gasped when I told him and then said, “Oh no, that’s a tough one.”

Tell me something I don’t know 🙄

I would like to say this is a one-off but it is not.

I know it is sometimes a shock, which is why I don’t talk about my actual diagnosis much, but the reality is, that your reaction affects me. Big time. I am sure my cancer community feels the same way.

Even though I logically know, thanks to GREAT therapists, that cancer diagnosis has changed over the years in a big part thanks to research. People are living a long time with cancer. I aspire to be one of those people.

Dr. Bernie Siegel, one of my cancer heroes who I have had the privilege of talking to about my cancer journey, reminds us that a diagnosis is more for the oncologist so they know how to treat you not for me to focus on.

So logically I know all of these things but mentally it is tough when people have big reactions. I know it is coming from a good place. I know how hard it is to hear, imagine how hard it was for me to hear!

I pride myself on being a realist optimist so I am not delusional but I chose to focus on the positive, and the hope. That is who I am and how I get through it all.

Suggestion: Be mindful of what someone is going through with their cancer journey. Don’t make assumptions that you know how it is going to turn out. Be open to how they are choosing to handle it, and reserve judgment if it isn’t what you would do. As I said at the beginning my journey is my journey.   

I hope that helps to bring some more understanding to a cancer journey.

By no means is this meant to make you feel bad if you have done some of these things in the past. None of us are perfect. I have been on the other side too. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and people sharing their insights and stories help us do that.  

Wish me luck today for my 3-month checkup. I always hope for strong veins and good results. So I can live my next life chunk to the fullest as only a mother f**king Life Enthusiast can do 💜