18 Jul The Invisible String
HELLO FRIENDS!
I have been trying to think of a way to explain a certain “phenomenon” that I have found very present in my cancer community. I’ve wanted to talk about it for some time because it impacts me regularly and I feel it is not always understood.
The other night I woke up and said, “Invisible String!” That’s it! (I wrote it in the notebook I keep in my nightstand for thoughts like this so I don’t forget them!)
There is a series of books for kids around the premise of the “Invisible String.”
They are great books to help explain grief to kids.
The message at the heart of these books is that you are always “connected” to those you love who have passed on by an “invisible string” that is as unbreakable as the strength of the love and connection you have with that person, or animal, who is no longer here with us on earth.
The essence of that story is why I believe it is so fitting for what I want to talk about today. The “invisibleness” of our disease also the “connection” to those in our cancer community, whether or not we know them.
Let me try to explain…
One of the biggest “pet peeves” I have heard in my community is the frustration a lot of people have when people think they are “done” with cancer just because their treatment is over.
Now we understand it comes from a good place. People who care about you want you to be done because they love you. But the reality is, you are never done. Some more than others depending on where you are in your journey, but once you have been touched with cancer, it is always with you.
I had a therapist explain it so well to me. Sometimes cancer is sitting behind you, sometimes it is sitting on your shoulder, and sometimes it is right in front of your face. But it is always there so the trick is learning how to live with it.
I was thinking of this a lot lately when the news about Kate Middleton’s cancer diagnosis was announced.
This also brings up another phenomenon that frequently occurs in our cancer community. Whenever anyone, including celebrities, has cancer it impacts us. Even though I never “met” Kate Middleton (In fact, I did meet her years ago, with a big group of people, but not like she will remember!) I had a feeling it was cancer before it was announced, and then when it was announced, my heart immediately went out to her and her family.
As Gilda Radner once said, “Having cancer gave me a membership in an elite club I’d rather not belong to.” Once you have cancer, whether I know you or not, we are connected.
I am connected to these people and their journey, even though I don’t know them, and I am impacted deeply by their victories and their losses.
To get back to Kate, she recently made a couple of public appearances, and I think we all rejoiced when she “looked so good.” But keeping in mind that “invisible” piece of our illness I spoke of earlier, I am very aware although, she looks great, her illness is still with her. I am so happy she looked well and appeared to have a couple of good days out in public. That is important for her well-being on this journey. We need to embrace those days and live life as fully as possible. But we have to also the same grace and support as she continues on her journey with treatment. Including when her treatment is done. Cancer will always be with her.
I was happy to see that Kate seems to recognize this in the Instagram post she released on June 14th:
She set boundaries and managed expectations to the public with her illness. It is frustrating that we need to do that, but take it from me, it is 100% the right thing to do. You can’t control your illness but you can control how you handle the journey. I was also thrilled to see her up against the tree as I know she finds peace and comfort in nature as much as I do, and I am sure some Forest Bathing is part of her healing.
This invisible string to our Cancer Community connects us not only during the good times but also during the difficult times. When we lose someone, whether we know them or not, we feel it.
We are sad for them and their families first and foremost. But also we start to question our own journey and mortality. When will it be our time?
It sounds morbid but it is the reality we face. As I said earlier, cancer is always with us and in those times it is right in front of us reminding us that our lives will never be the same.
Recently we lost Shannon Doherty and her death is one that has impacted me immensely, for many reasons.
We were diagnosed (albeit with different cancers) in the same year, 2015. We both had a more aggressive recurrence. We were very close in age, a year apart. Not to mention Shannon was a HUGE part of my young adulthood thanks to Heathers, and 90210. She was also the ONLY reason I got a “too dark” semi-permanent on my hair in the 90’s!
Our first connection came as her character in 90210, Brenda found a cyst on her breast. I had just found my own. I was 19 and was going through the process of having it removed and waiting for results. As scared as I was, it was nice to have this storyline to show that I wasn’t alone.
I didn’t know fully at that time how isolating an illness could be but I recognized the comfort I felt watching that character go through what I was going through.
I also technically “met” Shannon during that time at a celebrity baseball tournament. (Just like how I “met” Kate Middleton!)
She was so tiny, but as we all know of her, mighty. She was being mobbed, as 90210 was at the height of its popularity at that time, but she was super kind and did her best to sign everyone’s books. That memory always stuck with me especially as she started to get all that “bad press” in the 90s.
Shannon recently started a podcast called “Let’s Be Clear” where the premise of it was for to “clear up” some of those rumours but mostly gave her the chance to tell her OWN story, her OWN way.
She also used it as an opportunity to talk openly about her cancer, having her doctors on as guests, in hopes she could help others on their journeys.
Once again I felt a kinship with her, as I was doing the same thing in my small way.
I listened to her podcast every week and this time it was Shannon, not Brenda, who gave me comfort and reminded me once again – we are not alone on our cancer journeys.
Community is a powerful thing whether it be in real life or that invisible string connection
Her death shook me mostly because I knew how much she wanted to live. I also knew how much she was prepared to die.
It is an odd combo but one we ALL need to figure out one day. Those of us with a chronic illness have to figure it out sooner rather than later.
It also shook me because she was an inspiration to me.
How she handled her cancer. She focused on what she could control about it. She didn’t let it define her. She spoke openly and bravely about her reality. She used her journey to help others. Most importantly she focused on LIVING. Her way. She did not care what people thought and that is a beautiful thing to aspire to, especially from this recovering people pleaser.
As I am coming up on my next surveillance period her death weighing heavily on me. As much as I will stay positive, and I feel pretty good, I still know things can change in an instant.
"I'm not done with living. I'm not done with loving. I'm not done with creating. I'm not done hopefully changing things for the better. I'm just not - I'm not done."
I am not done either.
I am going to continue to keep on keeping on just like Shannon, and so many others have done until I am unable to anymore.
I will also do whatever I can to help research a cure, for me and for those in my community.
This is why Team 4CHIP will be once again walking in the Terry Fox Run on September 15th to help raise funds for Cancer Research.
I know Shannon would agree with me on this, the reason those of us with Stage 4 and/or Grade 3 cancer are still here is because of research. People are living longer with cancer, and a Stage 4 and/or Grade 3 diagnosis is not what it once was, and that is because of research.
If you can donate to us please CLICK HERE
Every little bit helps!
When we do the walk it will be almost fall, thank goodness! So that means the Fall Edition of the Life Enthusiast Newsletter is almost here!
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Please note: I am not an expert or professional in the field of cancer. I am simply someone who has gone through it and living with it, doing my best to offer you my experience and advice in hopes that it helps.
Love, Me 
