24 Apr I Am Here
HELLO FRIENDS!
Welcome to my 50th Blog Post 🤯
Writing a blog has been something I wanted to do for YEARS, but “imposter syndrome” is strong in me!
When my cancer returned and I was faced with my mortality, I thought a lot about what I did and didn’t do in my life and I realized, so many of the things I didn’t do was not because I couldn’t do them, it was because I was too afraid to do them.
That distinction is a big one.
I realize that fear has influenced a good number of my life decisions.
Now, at almost 53, I could be bitter or sad that fear has taken such a prominent place in my life, but instead, I just want to change it.
One of the major things that fear kept me from was writing. Although I have written my whole life, I was afraid to call myself a writer or share my writing.
Fear.
As I battled through my chemo (during a pandemic), desperate to continue to live, one of the things I wanted to do deeply was blog about my journey in hopes that it could help someone.
So I did. 5 years and 50 blog posts later, here we are.
I have done my best to create my Life Enthusiast Community and, more than that, to create what I like to call my Life Enthusiast Ecosystem (I can see my former team members from corporate rolling their eyes at me, they know how much I love a good ecosystem!) Blog Posts. Courses. Speaking Engagements. Podcast?! A Book?! The possibilities are endless as long as I don’t let fear take over.
The key point to all of this is – I am still here to do all of these things I dreamt of as I fought to stay alive. There is a time I wasn’t sure I would be. So I am grateful for every moment, and that makes it a bit easier to push the fear aside. Most days, I am still a work in progress!
Recently, I attended a workshop, “Creative Alchemy with Suleika Jaouad.” Suleika is someone I admire deeply for many reasons. Her book “Between Two Kingdoms” is a guidepost for me. Her community, “The Isolation Journals” has changed my life in the BEST way. So I was only too excited to pre-order her new book “The Book of Alchemy: A Creative Practice for an Inspired Life” and attend this incredible workshop with Suleika and the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert as the moderator.
I had written this blog post before attending the workshop and had it marinating before I revisited it. So you can imagine my surprise when Suleika and Liz spoke at length about fear.
I find that this happens often within the Isolation Journey Community. Suleika posts something at the exact right time that I, or many in our community, needed. I have commented on it often, and Suleika responded with this…
“I get messages like this all the time! There’s a certain kind of synchronicity in the Isolation Journal community that almost feels like magic sometimes.”
Attending this workshop led by two amazing and successful writers, along with 1000+ people, all connecting with our fear, was indeed MAGIC.
We are not alone with fear, and that makes it more manageable. Suleika shared this amazing quote from one of my favourite artists (again synchronicity!) Georgia O’Keefe:
"I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life - and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."
Living with cancer means I live with a healthy amount of fear. Fear of recurrence is huge within my community, and because I have had recurrence, I fear it even more now. I am often called a Survivor. I am a Patient Family Advisor (PFA) in a couple of Ontario Health Committees that focus on Cancer Survivorship, which I am super proud of. Survivorship is something I am passionate about. I just don’t love the word. For me. Everyone is different. I feel like it has an “I won” feel to it and the implication is, it is over. Just because someone has lost their life to cancer doesn’t mean they lost or didn’t try. And just because you a survivor, doesn’t mean it is over, in fact, more than likely, it is just beginning.
I like to say, “Living with cancer, emphasis on the living!” It works for me, and again, no judgment on whatever you feel most comfortable with. You do you! The fact that I am still here has had a MAJOR influence over me, my relationship to fear, and my life choices going forward.
I am constantly “checking myself” to ensure that fear is not the primary decision maker in what I want to do. So the fact that I am writing my 50th Blog Post makes me proud. I have pushed through the fear. As a result, I have helped people, including myself.
As Elizabeth Gilbert so wisely said at our workshop….
“I am 1% more curious than I am fearful.”
That resonated. My curiosity and creativity are connected and help me overcome the fear that can hold me back. I will remember that as I push forward.
I recently went through my 6-month surveillance, and as per usual, I was FULL of fear in the form of “Scanxiety,” using all the tools, strategies, and tricks I know to try to keep it at bay. Sharing what I was going through as it was happening in hopes of normalizing this very common experience for those in my community going through it. As a Healthcare Advocate, the “sharing of the journey” is key to what I do. If I hadn’t gotten my confidence going as a writer with my Blogs, I wouldn’t be able to do that, or any of the other cool things I have done in the last 5 years.
Look, my life will never be the same. I don’t have the energy I once did. I have brain fog. I live with some pain and neuropathy. I have mental health struggles that come with living with a chronic illness. But you figure it out. I have created a life full of purpose, one I dreamed of but never dared to do.
This blog milestone is so significant as it was the gateway into a life I never thought possible.
Writing has been such a release for me. Therapeutic even. Hence why I became a Journal Therapy Coach. I want to help others with the healing practice of journaling.
I am happy to celebrate it all. The Blog. The Life Enthusiast Ecosystem. Living with Cancer, emphasis on the Living Journey. Getting older because aging is a privilege. All of the things are worthy of celebration!!
Pushing past my fear has also led to this incredible collaboration coming up….
Into the Woods: A Mindful Journaling & Forest Bathing Experience
I am partnering with the amazing Beth Foster, who is fully certified through the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy Guides and a member of the Ontario College of Teachers with a Master in Education.
Beth’s guided Forest Bathing walks not only introduced me to the power of Forest Bathing but solidified Forest Bathing as one of my most favourite things to do. When I approached her with this idea to collaborate I was THRILLED she accepted because I knew it would elevate this event.
As a recently certified Journal Therapy Coach, I know the impact journaling can have on your well-being. If you join us in this event we are going to help you reconnect with nature, and yourself.
Beth will awaken your senses with a guided forest bath walk through the forest.
I will then guide you through a reflective journaling experience to help deepen your experience.
Our goal is that this experience will leave you feeling refreshed, grounded, and inspired.
Spots are limited, so secure your spot today!
Moving through your fear isn’t easy, but know you can do it, you are not alone. Here are some journaling prompts to help get you started:
“What is self-doubt holding you back from doing?”
“How have you overcome your self-doubt in the past?”
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
“What is the one thing you can do to build resilience in the face of fear and self-doubt?”
Become part of my community and follow me on my Instagram @JAYEMBarrie for my POSTS, and REELS, or check out my website www.jayem.ca to stay informed on what I am doing and to sign up for my newsletter and/or updates. I am also on Substack and you can also find me on LinkedIn.
Share your questions or comments either in the comment box of my Instagram posts or in a DM.
Please note: I am not an expert or professional in the field of cancer. I am simply someone who has gone through it and living with it, doing my best to offer you my experience and advice in hopes that it helps.
Love, Me 
