HELLO FRIENDS!

Happy Mother’s Day to those who celebrate! I thought today was the perfect day to post this new blog post on caregivers as my Mom is my cancer caregiver, and let me tell you, she is the GOAT (Greatest of All Time!)

This is the second blog post in what I am calling the “Trilogy” of blog posts around “Building a Health Care Ecosystem.” The blog post from April 14^th, 2021 called “It Takes a Village” talks about how I built my Health Care Team. Today’s post “Caregivers” will talk about the importance of having a caregiver during your cancer journey, and finally, in a couple of weeks I will complete the trilogy with a blog post around “Being your own Health Care Advocate.” The importance of these three things during your cancer journey is huge. But the reality is, it is huge for ANY health care journey, not just cancer. We all need to be proactive when it comes to our health.

It is so important to have someone who can act as your caregiver during your cancer journey. As someone who doesn’t like to ask for help prefers to be the person helping and has always been fiercely independent. Having to accept the fact I needed a caregiver to help me through my journey was VERY hard for me. Especially because my cancer caregiver is my Mom.

I felt, she did her time being my caregiver growing up. She fulfilled her duty! It was my time, when the time came, to take on that role for her. I really struggled with this. Worrying about if I would be around to be her caregiver when she needed me to be, worrying about who would do it if I couldn’t, and being sad that she had to jump into a cancer caregiver role once again.  Now of course, as I am sure any mom reading this would say, my Mom wouldn’t have it any other way. She wanted to be a part of my journey, even if I didn’t need her to be. It is something I have come to terms with, but I would be lying if I said I didn’t still have moments of guilt or sadness about it.

I truly don’t know how I would have gotten through this journey without my Mom. Sadly, she has had a lot of experience in a cancer caregiver role, from her own Mom to my Dad so she fell into the role very naturally and was able to guide me in what I needed to do. But as I have explained in previous blog posts, everyone’s cancer journey is unique so there were a lot of things we learned or figured out together.

It is impossible to say EVERYTHING a caregiver can help you with but here are a few important things my Mom helped/helps me with:

1. Attending your doctor appointments with you, either in person or virtually.

• I will talk more in the next blog post about how important it is to prepare for your appointments with research and questions, but once you are there it can be overwhelming.
• Having someone there to listen and take notes for you in case you miss anything is critical.
• My mom catches things I missed and/or understands things differently than I do sometimes, it is always helpful to have another perspective.

2. Taking you to tests and/or treatment appointments, whether attending in person if they can and/or driving you and picking you up.

• My mom came to every single doctor, test, and radiation appointment for my first time with cancer. SINGLE. ONE.
• For my second cancer she did as well but due to the pandemic she had to drop off and pick me up versus going in with me, but she still took me to every single one and attended/attends all my virtual oncologist calls.
• Your energy isn’t normal during treatment, and sadly even after, so having a driver and support is a great comfort.

3. Helping you during your cancer surgery recoveries and /or cancer treatments.

• My Mom moved in with me without hesitation for a week after my cancer surgery to help me with moving around, cooking, and cleaning.
• For my second time with cancer, I moved into her spare room to make it easier since it would be a longer treatment period. (I have since sold my condo and live with her.)
• Having her there to help me up the stairs, or clean up a mess if I was sick, or make me food when I could eat, to name a few of the many things she did for me, was SO helpful.
• I did as much for myself as I could, as mentally that was important to me but when my illness didn’t allow it, she was always there.

4. Being a support system/cheerleader for you as you go through this journey.

• Having someone who truly understands what you are going through as they have been with you through it all, is so helpful on the days especially when mentally you are struggling. There are a lot of those days.
• Also celebrating your victories like banging the gong for the end of radiation or ringing the bell for the end of chemo or having a good 3-month check-up. All those milestones and moments, whether in person or virtually, it is great to have someone to celebrate with.

5. Your source of communicating to the outside world.

• You can be inundated with well-meaning family or friends as you are going through your journey. Some days you just don’t have the energy.
• My Mom was my single point of contact until I felt well enough to do it on my own.

There are so many things caregivers do I couldn’t possibly list them all, but I hope you can see the benefit of having someone act as your caregiver during your journey. A caregiver can be a family member, a partner, or a friend, or even a stranger, yep you heard me right! Not everyone is fortunate enough to have someone close to them able to help out, for a variety of reasons, so if you are in that situation do not fret. There are lots of great places you can find someone to drive you to appointments etc. I would always recommend starting with your hospital cancer centre and/or the Canadian Cancer Society.

The one thing that is important to note if you have a caregiver in your life…they need support too. They are incredible individuals who give of themselves without hesitation but what a lot of people don’t realize, they are going through the cancer journey too. It is one of the main reasons I joined Gilda’s Club Simcoe Muskoka was because they also offered membership and support to the caregivers. So make sure if you have a caregiver in your life or know of one, you check in and make sure they are doing okay too.

A HUGE thank you to all the caregivers out there who give of themselves to make someone else’s life better. To my own cancer caregiver, my Mom, there are no words to express how much you mean to me and how grateful I am for all that you do for me. I love you.

Follow me on my social @JAYEMBarrie for my POSTS, REELS, and IGTV, or check out my website www.jayem.ca to stay informed on what I am doing. Share your questions or comments either in the comment box of my Instagram posts or in a DM.  Please note: I am not an expert or professional in the field of cancer. I am simply someone who has gone through it and living with it, doing my best to offer you my experience and advice in hopes that it helps.